I walked into my office and saw my friend sitting at my desk waiting for me, her face screwed over.
"Kemi! this one you came to see me this early morning wetin happen?" I asked dropping my bag on the table.
She sighed heavily then said "Imagine my wedding colours are now carton brown and leaf green".
Kemi and I had gone shopping for asoebi at Balogun market last weekend and she had already made a deposit of
"But we've already paid a deposit for the peach and gold na" I asked quizzically, obvious shock on my face.
"It's Abdul's mum o! she said she can't wear peach and gold that it is not strong enough and would look dull in the wedding pictures".
By this time I could see tears forming in her eyes. she cut a sorry picture with the back of her hand supporting her chin. Her wedding was in 5 weeks and she had stress creases around her eyes.
"Kemi, calm down. Just tell her that you have deposited for the peach and gold fabric".
"I did, I already told her that but she insisted that her side of the family plus her visitors and friends will be decked in leaf green and carton brown".
It was too much to take in
I thought about the long hours Kemi and I had spent poring through bridal magazines, all the inspiration boards we had created on pinterest. The many visits to different wedding sites. The unending questions on wedding bee discussion boards. The calls I had to make when I saw an idea I thought she would like. I mean, she had already picked out the gold chandeliers that would hang from the ceiling, she had ordered her peach infused bouquet, drapes and center pieces. She had picked out her golden cutlery, stationery and glassware. I wanted to cry with her.
Kemi had always wanted a peach and gold wedding from the get-go.
As if reading my mind she said "but you know how I've planned a peach and gold wedding for years. I even just paid the lighting guy yesterday".
This brings me to the crux of this post.
About 45% of the brides I've asked admitted that they had to deal with MIL drama when planning for their wedding. The stories range from the MIL who thinks she is the bride thus she wants to get the utmost shine at the wedding to the MIL that wants to make a decision on what dress you will wear, the MIL that makes the wedding all about her- that won't let you get your first dance with your husband but would rather her son danced with her. I've heard about the MIL that will not allow your side of the family have their own shine at the wedding, that will control the caterers so that your side of the family and your guests will not have food to eat. The ones that will tell the photographers to concentrate on her and her guests. The stories are numerous.
What are the limits which a MIL should get involved in wedding planning? How can you prevent the drama that may occur while planning your wedding without causing any problems? How do you let her know that as much as you really love her and know she is a big part of her son's life, you still are the bride and it is your OWN wedding. What are the duties of a mother-in-law during the wedding planning? how much of a bride's plans is she obligated to share with her mother-in-law. Does the bride always need her approval for every step?
Let's talk. Let's help Kemi. Looking forward to your opinions.
Photo Credit: Real Simple you can click on their link to learn some valuable tips on dealing with in-laws.
FYI- For my non Nigerian readers, asoebi literally means "Family Cloth". It is usually worn by wedding guests to add colour and uniformity at weddings.
There is a slight inclusion of the Nigerian pidgin in this post.